Over the years, as I get older, I constantly turn to the image of the country and every night, before going to sleep, the landscape of Armenia comes before me like a nightmare. And sleep seems like salvation. I would like to sleep for a long time and not wake up, so that nightmare does not come to my face again. Ruined hillsides, ruined farms, houses in need of repair, bad roads, poisoned waters - this is in a country that was once a flourishing country. I would like my country to be renovated, we could make those soil-colored slopes bloom, those old and outdated houses, polluted villages, ruined gardens, poisoned waters - all of this would be renovated, so that our children could feel the beauty of life, the charm of this infinitely beautiful world from this country and in this country, and instead of falling to America with poor pockets like a beggar, America would pamper them with the image of a flourishing country. And from here, my Armenian heroes, who really make me open-minded in front of history, are those who make the country flourish, my heroes are both men of arms and titans of thought and art, but still, for me, the symbol of Armenian persistence is the holy Lazar Island, the work of Mkhitar Sebastasi Abbahor, his energy, the monastery he built, the printing press he opened, and his widespread enlightenment work. I have seen the versions and manifestations of that example in my childhood, on my land. people who raised those monasteries without getting anything, perhaps nothing more than in the conditions of serfdom, like card-masters working for free for spiritual and worldly princes, I saw the same in my father and grandfather. They worked again for the kolkhoz like Sebastasi on Saint Lazar Island, and I have also seen the loss that my generation, my sons' generation has compared to their grandfathers. I'm sorry, but we lack that manifestation of patriotism. Let the country be built, we will become our serfs and work like that again. I am very ashamed when someone in my native village feels a lack of grass this year, the grass was not cut, where were the children of the village at that time? there were demonstrations. Reborn by the revolution, we have all become the heroes of the square, when it is also a job that requires a lot of work, and not every clown will come to the square. For many, the mouth is given merely to eat bread. But here they come to the square, they take the pen in their hands, when the pen is more responsible and heavier than the shovel. They will take the shovel, I cherish the image of the cultivator with the shovel... we will have to fight for it. Here, I will drop my pen, if you took a pen, and I will go to the field. I don't know, I don't know... I would like to see well-groomed pigs, pigsties where there is no smell, I would like the heifer living on my land, on my land, to be as beautiful and well-groomed as in Norway, the horses to be clean, the gardens to be trimmed and separated from dry branches. We need work. The main character will be the work that is not published today. Unfortunately, although it sounds like an excuse, we have adopted an attitude towards work that is not ours, it came from the Russian dictatorship regime, those who wear ironed army clothes never get a shovel in their hands, but they are Russian, they have such and such a million army. They are serf owners in their own way, and you are not that serf owner by your own right, you have no right to adopt their point of view, their behavior towards this world. You were born a farmer on the land and you will be a farmer again like my grandfathers. This is what I demand of myself and of my sons.
We are in the midst of revolutionary euphoria, we are in delirium, we are intoxicated, our exceptional state of Armenians does not have the examples to look at these phenomena more calmly. Condemned to hopelessness, silence, oppression, we have longed for free speech, to speak our words with our voice, and this has brought that romanticism of revolution and revolutionaries in us. If we could overcome ourselves and look at the phenomena a little from above, we would have to curse both the revolutionaries and the revolution. Our revolutionaries, our daring boys, our terrorists can only be justified to the extent that their violence is only a response, a coercion of the enemy. But today we should just try to be strong, stand a little higher than ourselves and our destiny and look soberly at the reality. From the point of view of the people's salvation, let's choose the shortest path to self-healing in order to last in the world... we should try to calmly look at history and today's reality. Let's turn the country back into the country that the Jozhovurds who experienced their national-liberation revolutions have. But, I say again, our situation forces us to be what we are today, but how much will we be fried in this revolution, in these screams of pain, in this lamentation and crying... it gives us very little... I don't know... Then, our situation is so broken that none of the phenomena exist in us completely. If we have adopted civil war, we must fight our enemy with all the laws of war, if we have adopted peace, we must live by the laws of peace. Ours is neither war nor peace today. it is a very difficult situation, imposed on us, now the dictator is the enemy again. You must speak to the enemy in his language. We have made Armenia an orphanage. this miserable mother, who cannot feed her sons, accepts another 500,000 remittances from Azerbaijan. An army should be formed from them and imposed on Azerbaijan. The Turk is fighting against us with mother and child, we will fight with our mother and child, we will fight with refugees. Deportees should go to Karabakh, where the danger is not so great. We violate the laws of war, we do not wage a war against war, that's why our movement is condemned today to go to declines after declines. Maybe it's our humanity that prevents us, I don't know, but I don't know if this is a bigger danger for us or the acute ecological situation that we are facing today and which will get worse tomorrow. Now a nation of five hundred thousand has been added to it.
... The novel that was being written was interrupted by the February incident, after that I cannot add a single line. it was precisely there that my attitude towards life was developing. There are several outbursts of young men, old men, military figures of a non-existent state, brave men: a young man who was indomitable, an old man who was a failure... They were standing, but the novel was interrupted.
... Our heroes of the defunct statehood... when Gogol rode from carriage to carriage and took the whole of Europe under his feet, but his pocket was empty, he knew that Tsar Nicholas I was there, he would send money for him. And so it happened. Nikolay sent him a huge dram - let him travel around, let Europe see. My Tumanyan did not have the attitude of that king, he did not have his own kingdom. Maybe Mantashov would have turned his face a little... My powerful men did not have statehood, my Armenians, but they behave like the sons of a people with dominion, as if we are in a state form, as if there is a king, and as if their behavior will suddenly harm the state. I have it in me, not my poetic delusion. My Sebastian Murad fought like that, he didn't wait for a medal after the battle, after his victory. And, let's say, Dali Pasha of Turkey, the hero of the Turkish-Russian battle, who was called Dali, crazy, crazy, yet he was not crazy enough to forget himself, he knew that he would receive a golden dagger, he would receive a medal and that a triumphal arch was waiting for him. They did not expect a triumphal arch, they did not have statehood, but they behaved as generals of the dominion. that's the beauty of mine. Maybe I was inspired by Teryan's poem, I don't know, the boys of that time dedicated their epic to Teryan's poem. You will be alone in the dark row of executioners... But what magnificent guys they were... my heart really fills with what Teryan said. The state immediately stands up and somehow... maybe gives him a ship of gold, maybe gives him an island in exchange. My fallen sons have no masters, but before a foreign court they behave as if God is their master. Now that kind of feeling should become radical in us. We have to own the country to be like that. Earthquake ruins are ours, 70 years of decayed land is ours. I came to the conclusion that it was easy to chase away so many Armenians from Azerbaijan, not because we are cowards and cowards, but because those people are not landowners there, they leave the land easily. Turks steal 10 cattle every night in Karabakh. in more thieving, cruel countries, they don't give so many cattle easily, if that cattle is theirs and not the kolkhoz-sovkhozin. These houses would not remain in ruins for two years. my rubble is mine, my railway is mine, my cow is mine, I have to stand next to them, this is my house, I have no air to breathe anywhere else, I have no bread anywhere else. I will stand here. It's about freedom. But for now we are serfs, we cannot get out of psychological and legal constraints, we are still waiting... And if the question is about freedom, then what Azerbaijan did to declare a sovereign republic was seen as a crime by us, but, in fact, they have already created a type for us, they have paved the way. yes, follow him, it's a step towards federation. The fact that we are complex towards Turks... Indeed, in front of a complex people, the repressed by the sultans do not disappear so soon, they will take a long time. I don't know... but we have saved things, Charents "Dante's myth", there is no name of a Turk, isn't it, it's a kind of arena of the powerful, those inter-ethnic relations are the arena of the powerful: Tumanyan's attitude, Isahakyan's... contemporaries, the immediate bearers, who later took all the burden of bringing the fragments of the people on their shoulders, something much more tolerant and understanding in their attitude towards the Turk there was more than ours, and they seem to have gathered more. It means that they were more complete people, they were intellectuals who grew up in better conditions than we, the children of the wrong regime, are narrow-minded, uncomprehending, part of that gassy crowd and not the controlling, controlling part. In time, maybe those of us who are capable will walk with them, become heirs of their ancestors, maybe...